Days 5 and 6 of Carol Jerram’s Blog….
This is how I felt today!! We have another heat wave!
Its so hot and all I wanted to do was sit in the sea all day long!
Instead we tackled Sophie’s room, 3 bags of rubbish we collected!! Small amount of things to take with us and quite a few things to sell!
I had a few people picking things up which was great and we managed to fit in a trip to Ellie’s Carvery for a bit of lunch, before heading back to finish of the room.
I am feeling exhausted emotionally, with such a mixture of emotions each day, having Sophie with me all day too, I have a feeling she feels so unsettled as she is by my side all the time if I go upstairs she has to be there, if I am down then she is there too, even when I have set her some tasks to do she prefers to be near to me. She is not even bothered about going swimming which use to be the one and only thing she wanted to do each and every day!!
I had a plan today and pretty much stuck to it, even managed to do some washing!!
Looked at some flights too and it hit home a bit that I am actually doing this for real! Will feel even more real when we book the flights I think.
I have to say about 8pm I did have a bit of a break down and started crying for no particular reason so went out for a walk by myself, to just be, came back and have sat outside for a bit trying to cool down.
I am tired, sticky (Oh sounding like fifty shades nearly then!!) and ready for bed!! No whips or cuffs here though! (must remember to pack them!) However I need to put all my clothes away first!
My house still resembles a jumble sale, although slightly more organised hopefully.
Tomorrows plan is to do my office, the linen and my photos, some of which I will take some will be stored for now.
Few more people are collecting things. So some more free space to add more things to sell.
Can write no more, off to have a cold shower and curl up with Mr Grey, only managing to read about 2 pages before I fall asleep, No. 3 is taking a bit longer than the others!
Day 6 Part 1
This is a two part again.
I woke this morning with a heavy head, during the night about 2/3 times I woke in a sheer panic, what am I doing? Will it all work out right? How am I going to sort it all out? I literally sat bolt upright and unable to breath! I have taken to cuddling a small cushion at night, I feel like a lost child especially at night, wandering around looking for someone to help me, telling me what to do. Someone who will cuddle me and reassure me that all will be OK.
Who knows what the future brings for me and my family, all we do know is that at this present time there is not much of a future here in Kos for us. With debts to pay and lack of income, its a scarey prospect for not just us, quite a few people are in the same position. It makes me so sad and angry in a way too, that we have been in a way forced to make this decision. The Island, if run properly despite the economy etc could be so prosperous and full of energy. If the people who live here were willing to work together as a team rather than lining their own pockets being their first thought. This is just my views and have been this for a number of years.
I know that in my heart it is the right thing to do, in my heart I know it will all work out the way it is suppose to work out. In my head is where the mess and confusion is!!
Most of you know me, and I strongly believe in the power of our thoughts and how your life is so affected by those thoughts. So my mantra from now on will be “I CAN HANDLE IT” whatever it is!! So if you see me just remind me of this!!
As I have said before I have been overwhelmed with the support from so many people, also devastated with some people who I thought would be the ones who would have supported me. Just goes to show you think you know people, yet really you don’t!
So I start the day under a bit of a dark cloud, I will handle it, so no sympathy please, just encouragement!!
Off to have breakfast and get organized for Day 6. More people collecting things today so more space to move, more things to go through too.
Let the day begin!!!